As I mentioned in my previous post, I am witnessing a number of moves at Romulus University that are slowly inching this institution into impending doom. When I went to my employee appreciation meeting to receive my service award and pink slip, something mentioned during Fearless Leader’s opening remarks reinforced my suspicion that this place is heading in the wrong direction.

During their brief speech, they mentioned that we were hiring three of our upcoming graduates to work on campus. This was followed by a statement proclaiming that we had hired five of last year’s graduates in the same manner. While everybody else clapped at our accomplishment, I had to hold back laughter, or maybe it was vomit from the free breakfast they offered us that morning during the event.

Hiring eight of your fresh graduates is not something you go around bragging about. That would be the equivalent of the old sports adage that a tie equates to kissing your sister. In many ways, our current hiring tactics are exactly the same thing, except even more incestuous. I can tell that this will become a recipe for disaster in the coming years.

First off, why are we taking these fresh graduates in the first place? What have these students demonstrated that makes us believe they would make great employees? Don’t get me wrong, I know some of the students they hired, and they were great students. However, that does not translate into a worthwhile employee. Given some of the rigor (or lack thereof) from my fellow faculty, there will be a big adjustment for some of these kids entering the “real world” of academia.

Secondly, what does this tactic say about our hiring practices? I am not trying to sound dismissive about our graduates, but what do they know? If the rationale is that they know our process, then that is fine, I guess. Do we hire our students because the local talent pool for lower positions is unacceptable? Granted, the surrounding towns don’t offer much, which might discourage us from hiring Jethro to handle compliance. Regardless, it wouldn’t hurt to approach some people in the surrounding area to handle some of these essential infrastructure gigs to ease tensions between town and gown.

Ultimately, I believe it is because we are too lazy to pursue outside personnel. I can substantiate this claim on several levels. First, over 90% of our faculty hail from universities within 250 miles of campus. In fact, two institutions in particular produced our professors. Our faculty procession at commencement has a distinct style that reflects this notion. I happen to be one of the few who came from west of the Mississippi River, and I don’t know if that ever bodes well for me here or not. I just know that these particular professors share a kindred mentality that I believe has never been good for students.

The more damning aspect of this accusation is what happens to the fresh grads after some time has passed. Some of these students hang around long enough to become key members of our academic cabinet. The prime example of this is a student who graduated in my first year here who seemed really talented. So talented in fact, that they are now the head of advancement. I don’t want to sound like an old crumudgeon here, but I think having a 25-year-old in charge of such an office is a little shaky. Granted, you should want somebody with energy in that position, but that young?

The worst part about it is that they have essentially pulled the “Luigi does nothing and wins” meme. I even heard something similar come out of their mouth recently when they found out they had been promoted. That is not promising. Hell, it sounds scary because what does it say about the retention of staff? I know we have had several staff changes around here, and I am pretty sure that everybody in administration now has served less than five years there. This place is about as stable as Britney Spears’ social media accounts.

Furthermore, by keeping it in the family, Romulus is quickly becoming stale. Fearless Leader proclaimed that hiring fresh grads was good because they know our traditions. If nothing else, that is why this institution will continue to crumble. There are no fresh perspectives coming in from elsewhere. Some traditions are important, but a fresh viewpoint wouldn’t hurt this place if it wants to survive another five years. At least the collapse will be interesting to watch from the safe distance I will have shortly.