It is no secret that I am not a fan of faculty meetings. I especially am not a fan when it means that I have to miss the opening day of baseball and watch my awful team attempt to play. It is the only day of the season when I am optimistic and hope this year will be different. I know they will never win a championship in my lifetime, but I like to be delusional for one day.

Now that I am already grumpy about attending a meeting that could be an email let’s get into this clown show. Faculty meetings are no longer streamlined like they used to be. Our old meeting chair kept things moving and didn’t deal with shenanigans. If the meeting was scheduled to last until 5, that was it. He cut you off. However, our new meeting chair does not have the same clout. None of the meetings have kept the itinerary brief. All of them run way over time, and several parents leave to pick up their children because obligations outweigh nonsense.

This meeting was no exception. We were on the tail end of the ordeal when the speaker mentioned that Student Project Day was quickly approaching. One of the honors courses has a student improvement project where the kids go out and work on small projects to improve the campus aesthetics. It is a nice gesture, and I appreciate the students’ effort in the projects. I will never have children, but I imagine it is a lot like teaching your kid to mow the yard so that you don’t have to do it.

One student group mentioned painting the parking lines. That sounds like a great idea. The lines do look faded and difficult to find at times. Plus, how much damage could students do by painting the ground? This comment opened a can of worms within the faculty. I previously mentioned my contempt for the faculty senate and how this group only does superfluous work.

Our group has yet to tackle anything of substance, and parking seems to be a hot-button topic every year. I don’t know why, though. I have yet to run into any trouble with parking on our campus. Most students can easily find a parking spot, so why is this becoming an issue here and now?

The parking conversation went longer than it needed to (more than 10 seconds), and it was clear that the meeting chair was not about to gain control over the cackling faculty who wanted better parking. After 5 minutes, I interjected with my campus project update. I should have spoken up earlier but was trying to be nice. The chair looked relieved as I sucked all the energy out of the lollygaggers who just wanted to talk to hear themselves speak.

When people ask why I am grumpy at meetings, this is the reason. I don’t need this hassle. Just give me the information and let me leave. Furthermore, if you want better parking, get here earlier. I’m sure there is plenty of parking to choose from before sunrise. I should know; that’s when I arrive on campus.