I know that I will never have the perfect classroom of prepared students eager to learn and that we will have a great discussion about course material. I am at peace with that. However, I am discovering more and more of my fellow faculty who believe we have the worst students to arrive on a college campus. At first, I thought this was because of admission standards at my particular institution.

I heard complaints about students’ lack of motivation before the pandemic, but now that we are approaching five years since many schools went virtual for the foreseeable future, the grievances are piling up exponentially. I had a faculty meeting today and kept a tally of how often my peers vilify students. There were three complaints at the meeting. The first was about snotty student attitudes. I get it. Students can be jerks. Heaven knows how much I pull the jerk card. Sometimes I wonder if they named jerked chicken after me. I have to do my best to keep my emotions in check.

The second was about how students don’t read emails. I also understand that one because I don’t read most of the emails I receive. On a light day, I find 50 emails in my inbox. I look for what is essential, and I move on. I hope students do the same thing, but I am no longer 20 years old and have the same obligations.

The third was about terrible student-athlete attendance. That is always a problem. I wish people would reinforce the student part of being student-athletes, but here we are.

However, here is the crux of the situation. My institution has a growing concern about student retention because keeping butts in seats is imperative if the doors of this school wish to remain open. In fact, during the meeting, there was a presentation on how the school intends to recover and rebuild the student body. It was sensible and strategic. No big claims, but it did emphasize that we faculty must act like human beings and interact with our students better. Students interact with us the most, and if we have a good rapport with them, they will be more likely to stay until graduation.

No problem. I might be a little “too human” with my pupils as I am always cool with sharing the dirty little secrets of “how the sausage is made” in academia. My students know I am honest with them and try my best to be transparent. I firmly believe that my students respect that. I daresay that some of them actually like me. I think that is poor judgment of character on their part, but nobody is perfect.

Not even 5 minutes after this point is stressed to us, another faculty member presents us with a way to remove contact time with the students through an app for attendance. Now, students can mark down their own attendance if they receive a temporary code while in class so that you do not have to mark them present or absent. Let me get this straight. You want to remove the brief period of time when a professor can at least acknowledge the existence of a student? I use the old-school method of the grade book when I go to class to mark absences and keep track of student grades. After class, I take 5 minutes to mark them in our attendance system.

By the end of the first week, I know most of my students (mostly last) names because I like a little professionalism. My fellow professors complain that they can’t remember student names, and now they want to start using this app method, which will make it even worse for them. I love how my fellow professors will make these grievances about students not caring about class, but turn around and further distance themselves from those same students. I honestly don’t know who cares less about who.

I will never understand teaching faculty who do not want to teach. It is the thing the school hired you to do, and you do not want to do it. Maybe it’s me, but I think I have the best gig out there. I corrupt young minds for a couple of hours a day, and then I can sit in my office devising new ways to torture them. If these people have lost the zeal to put effort into driving students up a wall, then they should find employment elsewhere. Besides, saying their names while you crush their souls leaves deeper scars. At least they will talk about me while they sit in therapy. That’s the kind of legacy I want to leave.